For quite some time after I moved to Austria 12 years ago, I was a victim. A victim of the fact that my husband is Austrian. It was such an easy excuse to reach for to cover a myriad of every day problems:
“It’s not like this in Ireland”
“Irish people just aren’t like this”
“If we were in Ireland, this wouldn’t be happening”
“People in Ireland always let you out in traffic”
Ridiculous. Untrue.
I actually blamed bad hair days on Austria. It was the country's fault because the water is so hard. Not joking.
Such a story and none of it was true.
Self-coaching showed me this:
The thought “things are better in Ireland” caused me to suffer. Horribly. It put me in the place of a victim and caused me to often resent my husband. I didn’t want either of those results in my life.
This is the question that I asked myself to change the story I told myself about life in Austria and which changed everything:
How am I not taking responsibility here?
When I fell into victimhood about living in Austria, I wasn’t taking responsibility for the fact that I decided to move here, that I could just move back to Ireland at any time, that happiness is mine and that I create any experience I am having with my own thoughts.
I love this question.
“In what ways am I not taking responsibility here” forces you to change gears, it gets you to think about yourself as a hero and not a victim. A badass and not a wimp.
In what ways are you not taking responsibility? If you read this article and had a sentence in your head that starts with “it’s all well and good for Aine to say that, but I ___” then you, my friend are not taking responsibility.
Feeling like a victim is crap.
Arguing with reality is crap.
Ready to put an end to those circular arguments you have with yourself and others about how unfair everything is? I can help. Message me at [email protected] for a free consultation and I will get you on your way.
